“Dad, I want that for Christmas,” my son said watching a Transformers toy commercial.
“Sure, that looks cool.”
A Bionicle commercial then came on.
“I’m putting that on my Christmas list, too.”
A Hot Wheels commercial came on, followed by commercials for a DS game, a board game, a remote control dinosaur, and a Diego toy. He wanted them all.
I was dizzy from the onslaught of commercials and filled with rage towards Nickelodeon. Where was that damn SpongeBob when I needed him? And why can’t a 40-year-old man play with Transformers?
A commercial for the Shammy (super absorbent reusable cleaning cloth) then came on. He wanted to put that on his Christmas list, too. At this point it didn’t matter what the commercial was. If a Propecia or ex-lax commercial aired, he would have wanted those things for Christmas, as well.
But the deluge of commercials wasn’t all bad. Watching his excitement for Christmas –and the Shammy—reminded me how much I loved Christmas as a child. Even when I stopped believing in Santa, Christmas was still magic.
Caught up in the moment, I decided to write my own Christmas list. Here’s part 1, the practical part of my list:
1. A new, larger bed so I don’t have to wake up with back pain every morning.
2. A larger bedroom so I can fit the new bed.
3. A house with larger bedrooms.
4. A house.
5. A second, adults-only bathroom.
Now, the sexy part of the list, with all the toys a middle-aged man craves (and women can’t stand):
1. A nine seat home movie theater with a 106 inch screen designed for a mancave in a basement or garage.
2. A basement or garage.
3. A Slingbox, so I can watch TV on my computer when away from my home theater.
4. A Brunswick regulation size pool table.
5. A Ducati motorcycle (and riding lessons).
6. A poker table.
7. All the latest, greatest Black & Decker power tools (not necessarily to fix things but to pretend I’m know what I’m talking about when my do-it-yourself friends come over).
8. NFL Sunday Ticket on DirectTV to watch all the NFL games.
9. A nanny to raise my kids so I have time to watch said sports package.
10. Someone to stop my wife from laughing uncontrollably over the fact that I just said I was raising my kids.
As my kids pointed out, I’m not going to get everything on my Christmas list. They’re right. According to my wife, I’ll be lucky to get anything on my list. That Shammy is looking better by the moment.
Copyright © 2009, Brad Manzo