Resolutions are Made to be Broken

I’m a hypocrite. I preach to my kids that winning is not important yet I demand a rematch each time I lose at Wii. Additionally, I mutter curses like a psych ward patient when one of my sports teams loses. I also expect my kids, 4 and 7, to not break promises; however, I break promises all the time.

Case in point.

“Dad, you promised I could play Wii tonight,” my son said pleading his case.

“The Wii’s not working tonight, CJ.”

“It was working this afternoon.”

He had me there.

“The flux capacitor is broken. It won’t work.”

“The flux who?”

My wife interjected angrily. “CJ, the Wii’s working. There must be a football game on. Brad, turn on the Wii!”

“There’s no game on, hon.”

Technically, I wasn’t lying as the game didn’t start for another 10 minutes.

“Dad, I have a great idea. You can record the game and we can play the Wii now.” He looked me square in the eyes. “I love you, Dad. You’re my favorite Dad.”

I leaned in. “Is there another Dad in the picture?”

Putting the potential father’s day mess aside, when he said he loved me, I melted (i.e., he played me for a fool) and turned on the Wii.

But other than keeping promises under duress or manipulation, my track record for keeping promises is not so hot. And with New Year’s Eve just passing, the season for broken promises, i.e., New Year’s resolutions, is in full swing.

With that spirit in mind, here’s my list of New Year’s resolutions I know I’ll break this year.

1. I’ll stop cursing when my sports teams lose.
2. I’ll stop rooting for losing sports teams.
3. I won’t eat the kids’ snacks.
4. I’ll look for things before asking my wife where they are.
5. I won’t yell, “Has anyone seen my keys?” while holding them in my hands.
6. I won’t wrestle with the kids nor will I lie to my wife about wrestling with the kids. Additionally, if I hurt my back wrestling with the kids, I won’t tell the guys I hurt my back lifting sheetrock or moving furniture.
7. I won’t trip over the side of the bed and blame it on the size of the bedroom.
8. I’ll throw away my underwear with the holes in them.
9. I won’t turn on my iPhone’s Fart Machine app. at family (and church) functions.
10. I won’t bring my iPhone into the bathroom.
11. When reading the newspaper, I’ll read the news as well as the sports.
12. I’ll gladly share the remote control.
13. I’ll finally stop the using the words dude, man, and bro.
14. I won’t take out the garbage wearing my pajamas.
15. Last but not least, I won’t fall for the line, “I love you. You’re my favorite Dad.”

Copyright © 2010, Brad Manzo

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