This year I vowed I was going to get something for Christmas. Something great.
To clarify, I do get gifts for Christmas. Money. A sweater. Underwear. Socks. An electric screwdriver. Things I need and use.
But it’s the kids that get the incredible gifts—the ones they’ve stayed up countless nights dreaming about. The ones they don’t need but satisfy their every whim and desire.
This year I want something I don’t need and will only use twice before it sits in a corner collecting dust but is a conversation piece and the envy of every underwear-receiving Dad on the damn block.
“Did you hear what Brad got for Christmas?” my neighbor will say to his wife. “A home-brew kit. He can make his own beer.”
She’ll respond in a sardonic tone, “We have a refrigerator. It has beer in it. You can use that label maker that’s still sitting in the box from two Christmases ago, slap a label with your name on it and, voilà, home-brew kit.”
While my neighbor murmurs “smartass,” and frustratingly contemplates the color of his new socks and whether he’s getting Hanes or Fruit of the Loom, I’ll be whistling a different tune because I’ll be receiving one of these babies:
1) Smart key – The perfect gadget for me, the guy who always loses his keys.
2) Flir One Infrared Camera – This beauty attaches to my iPhone and takes incredible infrared pictures…of what, I have no clue.
3) Motorized tie rack – A fantastic conversation piece. “Hey, remember those achy arms and shoulders I’d get from reaching over and grabbing my OWN tie? Well, reach no more! Observe, the motorized tie rack!”
4) Garmin Fish Finder – I couldn’t catch a fish if my life depended on it. But now I can at least find a fish. I can then alert other fishermen while I untangle my fishing line and say “Ooh” as they reel it in.
In sum, I’d lose the smart key, find no practical use for an infrared camera or a motorized tie rack, and can’t fish, which, unfortunately, means it’s socks again. It’s nice to dream.