A couple of months ago, I turned the BIG 50. I decided before writing about it I’d let some time pass. During the ensuing weeks, I reflected on my life, my accomplishments and this momentous occasion. And after much contemplation, I can tell you…it sucks worse than I thought. Holy crap, just awful. What did I do to deserve this? Is 50 the age ear hair starts forming? Is this the stinkin’ age people start telling me that I don’t look older, I look more distinguished? But seriously, as if I had a choice, I did find several reasons it’s okay to turn 50:
1) I’m not 60.
2) AARP – woohoo, discounts!
3) Everyone keeps welcoming me to The Club. Not sure it’s a club I want to be part of, but at least I’m welcome somewhere.
4) 1 year closer to retirement.
5) New reasons to take off from work—colonoscopies, endoscopies, etc. Okay, you’re getting a camera shoved up your keister but beggars can’t be choosers.
6) People treat you with respect and call you sir or madam—at least to your face.
7) Naps are not only okay, they are encouraged.
8) People assume you have a certain amount of wisdom. You know what happens you assume?
9) I can finally use the famous “back in my day” expressions such as: “Back in my day, we had it tough—we only had 4 channels (5 with tinfoil wrapped on the edge of the antenna), and had no remote control.” Rough times.
But the best reason: I have a job, a roof over my head, my health, and my family. If I can just catch a few naps and watch the New York Jets win a Super Bowl (please, if the Football Gods are listening), my life is complete.
Brad Manzo - Writer and Humorist 